Welp...herpes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
