I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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