So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
