May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
