honey bunches of taint.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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