i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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