my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
