you turned your livingroom into a bong?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
