Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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