Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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