Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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