Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
