glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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