I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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