Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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