I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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