I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
