my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
