My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
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I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
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Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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