I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
