He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
