Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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