So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
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No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
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I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.