Jerry, you need to find god
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
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I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.