I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".