How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
