Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
