Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize