There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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