when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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