Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
