wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
