Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
