I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
