Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
