I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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