A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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