Are we in a gay sports bar?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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