fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
