Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
