I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
