Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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