he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
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Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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