You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
