I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So here I am, sexting at work.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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