dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
