he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
