remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
