I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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