Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
how drunk are you?
Several
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
