Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
