I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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