Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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