My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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