sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
