loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
