I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
