That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
