I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
