I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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