some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
