He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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