I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
