she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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