If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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