She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
