Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
