I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
