Have you finally orgasmed yet?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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