What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
