The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
