No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You can't just leave with hair like that
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
