just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
