five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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