Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
